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Well damn. I nee to update more often.

I'm single now, and very happy about that. ANYWAYS.

Been a little more sad than usual lately...maybe it's because I'm sick; maybe it's because we have to money and no food to eat at my house. Either one. I'll get my first full meal that wasn't from school on Friday, so I think I'll be okay until then. Trying to stay positive, but I'm very hungry, and it's very hard to stay positive on an empty stomach. Only two more days until I can eat at home again. That cheers me up a little bit.

I think one of my friends is mad at me. I can't imagine what I've done to him...but whatever. I'll talk to it about sometime. Maybe he's got shit going on to. He probably won't tell me because I'm not that close with him.

I hate seeing my mom cry. It's the worst thing I can possibly see. It seems she's crying a lot lately. I thought things were supposed to get better now that her boyfriend's living with us; thing's have gotten worse. When we have food; his kids come over and eat everything. I mean, does my mom think we don't eat too? My sister is in homeschooling and her boyfriend, who doesn't eat much anyway, is currently unemployed(and looking for a job). Does she think we don't eat to? She lets his god damn kids eat whatever the hell they want, and we have to eat what they don't want? That's bull. My mom hates having to deal with what she's given; I was raised by her. Why would I want the same thing? Makes no god damn sense.

There's also the problem of my grades, which are slipping due to my 'I don't give a fuck' phase that was very short lived...so now I've picked up a few thing that aren't so good(and illegal) and am trying to get my grades back up to at least Cs.

Writer's Block: MAKE IT STOP!

What was the last song you couldn't get out of your head no matter how hard you tried?

Best Friend by Toybox. XD
It's funny how you can be so happy and yet so sad all at once. Ten months and you'd rather party with friends. I love you, but that's fucked up. I don't care if the sky is falling, two months from now that day is ours. I feel almost stupid not telling you, but I know you'll get upset, and I don't want to fight. That's the last thing I want on this day.

Wow. My life would make one depressing Fanfic. I was gonna write an emoticon, but none of them can represent my depression.

Writer's Block: One Thing I Did

What is one thing in life your friends said you could/would never do, but you did it anyway?

Be with the guy I'm with now.  I was interested in him for two years before we got together. Everybody said he would never like me and was this terrible person, and I proved them wrong. He's the sweetest guy I've ever met.

Just need to get some feelings out...

Well...a lot had happened and...I don't really want to go into too much detail, but...I've lost a family member. He didn't die, but he's gone. He's not the same anymore. It's really sad, he's not the person I met. I don't know him anymore, it's scary. This has never happened before. So...I wrote a poem about it. Here it is:

What happened?

 What happened to the good times?

When all of us had fun.

What happened to the good times?

When all of us would run.

What happened to the good times?

When we were all family.

What happened to the good times?

When you didn’t stare at us blankly.

What happened?


   Ever since I started using the internet I've always wanted internet friends...It's just insanely hard...for me anyway. I get so fucking shy and I don't have the slightest clue as to why the hell this is. I get the whole 'parent' mentality and think, "Oh my fucking god what if they're a pedo bear?!" Most of the time they're not, but I don't want to get messages late at night asking for nudes. Gross. I like to think of myself as grown adult, but when it comes to being messed with by pedo bears I get scared.

   Another reason is because I have terrible people skills. I have to be forced into talking to people sometimes, and I don't like having to be the one that's approaching people. I like being talked to first; it makes it less awkward. I've done chat rooms and such before, but I never really socialize myself on the internet that much. It sucks when I want to get to know someone who I admire, (like a AMV maker or an artist) and I'm too scared to talk to them because I think that because I'm not all that great they wont like me. D:
    BUT THAT'S GONNA CHANGE STARTING TODAY!! Or tomorrow, whenever I get the chance really. I should probably start earlier in the day because all the internet addicts and pedo bears stalk the internet at night and in the early morning. 
ಥ_ಥ  ಡ_ಡ  ಫ_ಫ  ಢ_ಢ  ಷ_ಷ  ಸ_ಸ  ವ_ವ  ಗ_ಗ  ಙ_ಙ  ಛ_ಛ ঞ_ঞ ഭ_ഭ ళ_ళ ફ_ફ ಗ_ಗ ಞ_ಞ ச_ச ঢ_ঢ ळ_ळ ର_ର ଲ_ଲ ಱ_ಱ ಲ_ಲ ਘ_ਘ ਝ_ਝ ങ_ങ ക_

I might add to it later
Sooo...apparently I have a viral infection in my throat and because of that THERE'S A BIG 'OL BLISTER BACK THER. Plus I've been getting fevers and I think I have a cold on top of that (GOD HATES MEEH!!!) Well, despite all the throat pain(which wore off yesterday evening) I'VE BEEN A PRETTY FUCKING SWELL CAMPER!! How 'bout yoo?(don't answer that) 

Wanna know a seecret? I HAVE NO LIFE! Well, I'm breathing...BUT STILL! I have no friends is more like it. OHMYFUCKINGJESUSCHRIST! I should go call me buddie Zalen and talk about our band! Yeah! There's an idear! I'm so smart.

Anyway, Here's my life, in two short, unattractive paragraphs.

Writer's Block: Destined for greatness

Do you believe that a higher power controls our fate or that we choose our own destinies?

I believe we choice our own destinies, you can't go through your life expecting someone or something to make your own decisions for you. We have to pave our path, whether it's beautifully paved and plants are planted on the side, or if it's cracked and the grass around is dead is our decision, no one or thing can make us who we are. 

Ugh, life

          So I have to stay at my other grandma's house because my mom is out of town. :\  because I haven't spent the night at my grandma's house since I was like nine,It's kind of weird. I have been really depressed because I haven't been able to talk to my boyfriend in a like two days, haven't herd from him at all. It's killing me slowly D: I know it's only been two days but...I usually talk to him every day, so even when we don't talk one night I get really sad and lonely. I'm sooo glad that I will be going home tomorrow so I can talk to my baby, I know he misses me too. =] My best friend says I talk about him too much, but if you consider the fact that she doesn't like him I guess she just doesn't me to talk to him. I can't help it though! I'm completely in love!
        Anyway, I'll be back home tomorrow, to fix my laptop(It has a virus X.X) and be online a lot once more!